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Loss > The Stages of Grief
The Stages of Grief In your sorrow, you may feel all or only one or two of the five common stages of grief. As author Julie Adams Church said, "You feel pain and have every right, indeed healthy need, to express the emotions that come up for you, whatever they may be." These stages will take time and understanding to work through; be patient with yourself. Denial is your first reaction to the news that your pet has died or is about to die. You simply don't want to believe it. If this feeling lingers, you may want to talk with supportive people (family, friends, veterinarian, or counselor) who can help you admit that your pet is gone. Until you admit this fact, you will not allow yourself to grieve about your loss. Anger often evolves from the frustration you are experiencing. "Why did my pet die? Why did you leave me when I needed you most? Why didn't the vet do something more?" There are no answers to these questions, which may serve to anger you more. It may be comforting to remember that your animal or the person who angers you was probably unaware of or unable to control the situation. Bargaining is probably the shortest of all stages of grief. You may promise to spend more time with your ailing pet, to shower your pet with gifts, if only he or she will stay with you a little longer. Despite your best intentions, you will soon realize that your pet cannot respond to these bargains. Depression is a time when your tumultuous emotions ebb into one sorrowful expression. Most people feel a lack of motivation and would like to withdraw from the busy, happy world. Do not fear this depression at the loss of your pet. By taking a step back, you will allow yourself time to heal and put your pet's death in perspective. This time alone will allow you to accept what you initially denied. Recovery allows you to take a fresh look at yourself and the world around you. In time, the pain will lessen and memories will evoke smiles instead of tears. When you are able to focus on all the happy moments you had when your pet was alive, and not on the death, you are on your way toward recovering from your grief. Just as each person's grieving process is individual, so is the decision to bring a new pet into your life. Only you will know when the time is right. |
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Contact: hhs@hawaiianhumane.org • Telephone: (808) 946-2187 • Fax: (808) 955-6034 Copyright © 2004 Hawaiian Humane Society
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